Boulevard of Memories

In a wintry afternoon Sayak decided to drop by there. The place which use to haunt him like hell. He hadn't gone there since Ritika left him. He was so paranoid about this place then that he also used to avoid the road, leading in front of that flat. The flat where so many of his memories crammed up in 840 sqft. Too many memories for his 27 years of life probably.

The mid December Sun is about to set out by coloring the skyline with dash of bright orange. The wintry afternoon always makes Sayak gloomy so he has on lean on the best memories. The watchman smiled at him. Gosh! He still remembers me. He waved his hand in reply. He parks the car and came out and straight headed to the Lift. The slight craggy corridor beckoned him. He opened the door of his flat slowly. He has to vacate it within this month. The flat where he and Ritika saw many dreams together. As he approached towards Bedroom a familiar smell began to hit his sense. The smell is so familiar to him. One night when he and Ritika were making out Ritika told him that she can sense his smell within a distance.

Sayak came to the terrace. This is the place which is closest to his heart. They both went loggers head with each other for this open balcony as he was so much reluctant to take this flat because of the open balcony. He is little acrophobic but finally he gave in and took the flat in rent. Later on he realized if he hadn’t rent out this flat, he would have missed some beautiful memories from his life. Once they spent the entire night of in the couch in their open terrace, counting stars. Another day Ritika made Sayak to skip his office just to watch Rain-swept Kolkata from their 12^th floor terrace. The bougainvillea tree looked deserted & dusty. May be he is also got tired like Sayak. Tired of silence. Tired of its own existence. Once these flowers used to adorn in someone’s bun but now they too felt deserted, getting accustomed to the silence of the room.

Sayak went to the bedroom. The three door cub board is still open. Much of their precious and important things they both took away with them. What left back were little pieces of Sayak and Ritika  which someday needed to be trashed, somewhere. Sayak opened the cupboard.  Ritika’s sunglasses are lying and so is her blue colour scarf which Sayak bought during their Goa Trip. A blue envelope with full of dust is resting in the farthest corner. Sayak opened the envelope. Some black & white random photographs came out. He remembered once during his random photo session he clicked some beautiful photographs of Ritika and printed them out from the studio just to woo Ritika. Memories such a thing you love to linger on. Every damn thing in this 840 sqft has its own story, has its own reason to stay here without the one person Sayak love the most. The packet beside the envelope contains a wallet which Ritika gave her in the last Valentine’s Day.

Sayak’s heart ached profusely when, in a distracted moment, in that room, Sayak realized that he is going to miss someone for rest of his life and to his surprise in that unsettled moment he discovered the depth of their attachment at that abandoned place. At that particular moment, in midst of awkward silence, he probably reinvents the Love for Ritika once again.

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Under the clear blue November sky someone used to watch the street in front of his office intensely. The street which straight leads him to a place where his love is resting on someone’s cupboard carefully wrapped in red & blue envelopes. So what? He still loves his love. The love which makes him runs from Sukanta Setu to 8B in just 7-8 minutes. The love which makes him roams around in the alleys & by lanes of this City with her. The love which makes him awake whole night just to watch someone is sleeping peacefully. The love which made him say her beautiful at the last day of their relation, sitting in a bench in front of Abcos, knowing that this was the last day of their togetherness . The love which made him knelt down for the first time in life to propose her after continuing 5 years of relationship. The love which makes him jump from running Rajdhani Express to kiss someone in front of his friend’s parents, forgetting the existence of any living creature, for the moment at least. The love which creeps in almost invisibly against his self imposed exile. The love which one day suddenly announced its existence proudly when he was sitting at the Airport lounge about to leave for Bangalore.

He thinks of someone who one day suddenly let him go, let him lost in the crowd in midst of strangers in his ever familiar City. The same City which keeps changing color in every season, in every festival, oblivious of someone’s existence. He smirks. He is good. He is good in every possible way. The City gave him enough memory to cherish for rest of his life.

Once he dreamt of a perfect life. A Small happy close knit family but now not only he has to combat with his past but present and future also. There are ever pestering parents to deal with, then there is his MBA and a boss who always eager to get himself out from the firing line. Her disappearance has changed every equation of his life.

Sometimes when he passes in front of Abcos he used to observe the bench closely. What if one day she and he meets somewhere suddenly after years? After long long years on a cold afternoon in Kolkata in front of the bench of the tea stall what will they do? Would she able  sense his smell? Would she able to sense his existence? Probably by then she would have gained a few more kilos and he would have silver lining in his hair. She would have kids and may be turn to Grandma by then. Time would snatch her beauty and he would have wrinkles around his face probably but he would still find her sweet whenever he will set his eyes on her. He knows what he will tell to her that day. You are looking Beautiful.

Memories of Exaltation

    

She was in the midst of her dressing up ritual and getting ready for the day. The carelessly wrapped up towel around her gave him a reason to look beyond his Laptop and imagination to run wild.  The Mid November breeze has just picked up its speed for forthcoming winter. It’s not that she never dressed up in front of him but that never caught his attention, mainly he found it little absurd to ogle at someone unaware but today it’s a bit different. Today they are 1000 miles away from their respective homes. Today there is a time for everything. Today he can watch her, relish her every attempt to look beautiful. He looked at her again and the out of bath look of her just blew him. He got mesmerized by seeing the droplets of water were oozing out from her towel tied bun like dew falling from the sky, like a shooting star falling from the profound sky.

He struggled to remain at the bed. He went to her and embraced her from the back & planted a kiss at her slender neck. She quivered and he could feel the trembling of her body. She looked at him and the kajal smudged eyes of her said many untold stories. Those eyes spoke a lot. She put her arm around his neck and tried to reach him. He tilted little further and within a blink his lips took the custody of her. She turned to him and embraced him tightly. The soft caressing of her breasts against his chest created ripples in his body. The sudden shyness tinged her face with an unusual shade of red. He couldn’t think of anything at that particular moment. He picked her up slowly in his arms. She closed her eyes. The shivering of her body, the warmth, the scent always makes his sanity to go chaotic.


They both lied in the bed, fully content; facing each other .The half lit cigarette rests on the ashtray casually. There’s certain calmness in her eyes now .She put her hand on his hair and began to flip through his hair. He always felt very difficult to open up his eyes when ruffled through his hair with her nimble fingers. Suddenly she upturned herself and came closer to him and planted a kiss to his cheek. He smiled. She smiled back at him.He thought that he would never be able to tell her that how much he had missed her at Kolkata. Sometimes the lonely evenings of weekend at Kolkata really bothered him so much that he used to avoid going to shopping malls. Lest it sounds too girlie, he refrained himself from telling her that how he missed her touch, missed her giggles, missed her dimples, missed her smell and more importantly missed being together. She rested her head on his chest and began to caress around his chest once again. He thought if he were the God he would freeze that moment for forever.


You know there are certain moments, certain dreams, certain hope and certain scent that never get fades away for our life. Moments that make your life worth living , dreams that are worth cherishing forever, Hope to gives you another chance to start the life afresh and whip of the scent that is worth craving for rest of you life. Like a dream it keeps coming to your life again and again and every time when they come you fall in love all over again.Some smiles, Some impromptu moments, some stubborn silence remain at the bottom of everyone's heart forever.

P.S. The content may be inappropriate for the teenagers so please excuse me.

The Broken Strings

You know it was one of those days of pain. It was one of those days when you embrace the lie as a truth knowingly and always hope for a miracle to happen. Emotions from your past sin tend to came out of you like a magma tossing up from a ruptured volcano. It was one of those suffocating afternoons when you got tired of everything, even of your own life. I was accompanied by cigarettes & J. The half lit, smoke filled room reminded me the trauma of that night again and again. That night that changed everything. J was trying hard to cheer myself up with his guitar. He knows me well. He always sings my favorite songs when my pain gets unbearable like his. The best part of J is that I don’t have to tell something about my mood to him. He can read me far better than anyone else.

 

Two lost soul searching their way out from the labyrinth of Love. Two twisted tale of Love. Two Confused guy caught in the crossroad of life oblivious to their respective destiny. Two strangely similar stories, which revolves around their life and sometime raises question against their existence. Two people trying hard to find solace in each others grief. Why it’s so much difficult to deal with the shattered dreams, broken promises and unrequited love?

It hurts certainly. It hurts to see you in others arm. It hurts when I see myself in the mirror. It hurts when I see people around me insanely in love with each other. It hurts when blood oozes out from my veins and I couldn’t feel the pain. It hurts when my scream didn’t reach to you and got unnoticed and it equally hurts when I look at J only to find his pale face. I didn’t find him smiling for ages. It hurts when I see everyday our love is dying a slow death and I can’t do anything but screaming my heart out. There is no one to blame for, not even you. Sometime all it takes a moment to forget someone and sometimes a lifetime is not even enough to move on. Who knows? May be J is right we have became too backdated in this fast forward world where every emotion comes with a different price tags.

 

Had I wished to, I could adopt your way to chose somebody to deal with the pain but I hadn’t. I want to find bliss in your ignorance. You haven’t had that much of depth even to realize what you have lost, what you left behind. Let me allow to deal with the pain, let me allow to deal with your memories, let me allow to deal with the nightmares; let me allow to deal with the betrayal, let me allow to deal with the rage, let me allow to deal with the hate and let me allow to deal with the unrequited love.

The Swapping

I have deliberately given the title so that you guys can let your imagination and fantasy fly having the wings spread on. Long live your imagination and fantasy but let me tell you the truth very clearly that this post has not been even remotely associated with your imagination. On a contrary it’s about doing right things at right moment with the help of my little presence of mind (which is very rare in me).Anyways enough insult of mine.

People, in my office, think of me as very stylist which by the way I am not. I wear branded clothes just because they are well fit and look good on me. I have no inhibition in picking my clothes from the roadside stalls either provided that fit me well. I can read the taste of the people far well than anybody and yeah I brag about this fact. I see everything from the aesthetic point on view so my colleagues rely on me heavily whenever there is a farewell or birthday party as I became the oblivious choice for buying the gifts for them.

 

It happened one day when two of my colleague is leaving our organization on the same day. So I have been called up in our group to suggest an idea about the gift. I suggest them that we should gift them a nice wrist watch as it’s very convenient to buy as well as we can be least bothered about the preferences of them. So after getting the approval from my colleagues I went on buying two watches for them in near by Titan shop. As one of them between them was little aged so I decided to buy a Golden color steel Titan watch for him and A contemporary stylist one for the one who is just four years senior than me. I got them packed & wrapped with colorful paper and came back to my Office.

Now at the evening we gathered in a common place in our office for giving them those gifts to them. A little reminiscence went on. Then finally my Manager handed over the respective gifts to them amid huge clapping. Then we returned to our respective cubicle. Suddenly I realized that the two packets of gift had been swapped by my Manager by mistake and he had given the Golden watch to the younger person and the contemporary stylist one to the aged one. A little do I know that my boss will end up doing such mishap?

I returned to my boss’s cabin and told about the swapping of packets. He seemed to look worried but real problem was that you can’t ask anybody to return the gift on the ground as it has been swapped. I returned to cubicle and tried to find an idea. Suddenly a great plan came to mind accidentally. I went to one of colleague and told them to take two of them for smoking from their respective cubicles so that I can swap the gifts. As instructed, my colleague took both of them downstairs for smoke and meanwhile I began the Operation. I went to both of their cubicle and swapped the watch and then repacked it nicely and within 10 minutes everything hopefully happened just like it had to be. I told my manager about that he laughed insanely but luckily they both didn’t open the packets to check out the respective gifts or else the operation could not be done.

After 10 minutes they both came back with my colleague and I signaled him a high five. He smiled back at me. At the time of leaving my office I made them open the respective boxes and they were both very happy to see their watches. Well “Operation Swapping” went well. Sometimes you know you have to do little unethical things to make some moment priceless.

 

The Wait...

It has been a long wait for you sweetheart and now inevitably I am getting restless. Everyday I   search you in the crowd, in the deserted place and in the every small turn of the road I ever pass by. My world revolves around you and only you. You know you are so addictive that I can’t think beyond you. Every night I look through my window and try to figure you out in the midst of darkness.

How do you look? I hope you are cute, impulsive, graceful and so adorable. You know I like long hair, somewhat straight but don’t make it artificially because that will belittle your image to me. You have to be natural like a spring.

You know girl I am little shy and introvert so don’t mind if I don’t look to smart and cool when we bumped with each other very first time but as time progresses you will eventually get to know me better. As I know I won’t find myself comfortable sitting with you in a new posh restaurant so would you mind if I take you to some cozy corner or rather some informal places on first date?

Well I am good listener so whenever you feel the uncontrollable urge to say anything you can surely call me at any time but let me tell you one thing that I like to be called in the morning during the half trance state of mine. It will seem to me that I am talking to in the dream. The first thing u should tell me is “I Love you” as it will make my day .Oh! One more thing, Please say “I love you” very often as it will keep me alive.

My culinary skills are limited to omelets and teas so don’t expect me to do such stuffs and on a contrary I would rather prefer to have bed tea made by you in the morning. Sometime I will cook for you to woo you but I hope you won’t judge it going by the taste as its all love that trickles down further whenever you would eat it with a smiling face.

Did I tell you that Blue is my favorite colour so please don’t get irritated when most of the time I end up buying a shirt which has a hint of blue. I even use a perfume named “Blue for Men”. What is your favorite colour? You know I would like to see you different shades of colour like fuchsia, pink, purple, lemon and mauve. I hope these colours will compliment you far more than others. By the way I am little shopaholic.

I am fond of kajal so whenever we meet please smudge it religiously so that I can’t take my eyes off you. I like ethnic clothes more than the western ones so please fill your wardrobe with traditional ones. Save the jeans and other things for your Girls day out. I love bangles and anklets so every weekend I will shop it for you. I have been fetish for smell so perfume surely will be shopping list. Just only one request that please don’t go overboard as far as make up is concerned as that will make you look more plastic than real. Simplicity has its own charm and aura.

 You know I like to see different kind of movies that made me think about the issue so please accompany me even if you don’t like these types of movies. I will accompany you to soft romantic types of movies also. Please read my every blog first as they are the kind of seismograph of my mind. Don’t hurt me ever as I can’t handle emotion to well. I am a die hard romantic person. Are you??

I am very liberal so I would give you enough space to breathe freely. I won’t interfere in your privacy. I hope you will love me more than I could possibly love you. Please embrace me tightly whenever I feel low as it will be reason enough for me to regain my confidence there after. I love dreaming. Do you dream? I love to build castle in the air so please stand by me to make them tangible.

When will we meet? I am here just waiting for you girl. Come and embrace me so tightly that even death too alters its own course before coming to me.

Yours forever,

Soumya

(P.S.-This blog is inspired from Aparna and probably it's kind of male version.)

The Journey Back To Reality

Well it is almost after five and half years from now and I am again Single and no this time I am not ready to mingle provided those two girls I used to see while going on the way to my office ,don’t look too beautiful at times because one of them among these two, specially remind me of someone. Single, quiet self acclaimed declaration I suppose but quiet irritating to get accustomed specially as at this juncture when most of my close friends going through their just married kind of state. Nevertheless I will keep chasing my dreams & love and one day I hope they do cross in my way. Someday again I will be able to laugh my heart out, someday again I will able to lead my life carefree, someday again I will be able think rationally and someday again I will be able to start my journey back to Life from where I left.

I have been a big believer of Love. Not sure if I still am yet I know they exists somewhere in the world. May be somewhere in my close knit bonded circle of my friends and family where I feel secure, at least emotionally. In that circle we all cry, laugh, share our dreams and sometime hurt each other but never let anyone go. You can fake your love, you can fake a smile, you can fake a cry, you can even fake an orgasm but you can’t fake around with your feelings as it’s the only thing that certainly not in your hand. Though you can manipulate your emotion and feelings in an extent but trust me they do come back at every possible time. Those roads you walked together in the rain, those moment you wiped her tears off, those moment you smiled together, those moment you looked at her, those moment she blushed,  those moment she embraced you in love, those late night phone calls, those food you shared stays with you for good and the memories wouldn't make you laugh either.

It’s very strange that in an unknown city, with completely unknown people around, in an apartment, we share our life with each other yet not sharing rooms. All those people have different stories to tell, different memories to cherish but yet alike life to live. We bonded well over beer, we bonded well with cigarettes and sometime we bonded over the common misery that we all face at the end of the day.

Today sitting in Grand Oberoi, during an office gathering, I realized the truth. The truth is that I can never ever be able to forget her because no matter how hard I try, she percolated down in me such a way I can never fathom the abyss. Today I have realized that moments between you & me was never a lie. I can never be able to withdraw my care & respect for you, no matter what I come to know and what I see. The truth is you are right there with me in the Oberoi. No not physically but my mind is always engulfed by your smile, your care and your thought. The truth is that you never left me but down the line somewhere love left us but the thread of love is so strong that it can endure almost anything. Today sitting in a dark portico, I realized how lucky I am to have you who almost suffocated me with your love. I will treasure your memories till the day I close my eyes. I will treasure your love all through this life and life to come thereafter.

 Touch wood.

Life with a New Identity

Some days ago one of my friends called me up and told me that of late I am writing some blogs full of worries and some boring stuffs. Not Denied. I personally use to hate these types of blogs which make me more pessimistic about life. Here comes something which is more or less like me and I am back with a bang in the advent of New Year with some fresh lease of life. Imbibe or ignore that’s up to you guys.
             So much happening around the world and in my life too as now I have new identity.No I didn’t get married and hailing from a privileged class in gender biased society, I don’t have to bother about the crisis of changing my social identity, my surname.Now I am a student of EPGDIBM in Indian Institute of Foreign Trade-Kolkata,something I dreamt of ,something I proud of. Dad had once told me something that seems to be much more relevant in my context today. He had told me that someday will come when it will be absolute necessary for every teacher (Irrespective of their own subjects) to know some programming language otherwise they might lose their jobs. What Dad had tried to say me that always stay first in the race as far as knowledge and technology is concerned. Thanks dad for the knowledge and I will always be stay awake to grab knowledge and technology so that I can’t become an extinct in the race of Life.
                                                        Well coming to IIFT, it has been a hectic first two week at IIFT. After a gap of almost four and half years I am again there in the pile of books, getting accustomed to the size and weight of them. We also getting accustomed with the interpretation of some hi-fi words like strategic advantage, GDP, Debenture, P.E. Ratio which I used to see in the newspaper only. Classes and more classes followed one after another leaving me thinking about my decision to join IIFT. It also made me think of the risk of becoming the last one of the class although if you know me then you know that I don’t mind being last boy (I didn’t mind being last boy at JU) but for some unknown reason I don’t want to be the last one at IIFT and I really mean that. The only problem we are having that to listen our lectures at post lunch session at it’s become very difficult to open our eyes after lunch and obviously the courtesy goes to IIFT  as they have arranged some wonderful food. Sometime in the middle of those lecture I find that old Soumya who is sometime taking frantic notes, sometime listening to Prof, sometime also questioning the Prof and sometime thinking about someone. It’s a whole new experience for me and you bet I am enjoying every bit of it.
                                                                            Time would be the main constraint if I think from today. Things won’t be the same again here onwards. I used to be regular blogger and no it’s not that I used to write very frequent but at least thrice in a week I used to read the other updates from those whose blogs I am following and used to think how they write such a good English on a good subject in their blogs but MBA at IIFT certainly is going to take a  toll on me as I would have less time to be in Blogging and other Networking Sites and forget to inform you guys that already they have given me enough assignments and presentations to ponder over my decision in taking admission at IIFT. Moreover one Prof has going ahead of all as he is sending us the reminder mail at regular interval regarding the deadline of submitting Assignments that he had given.


Oh! Did I mention that I almost fall in love with Economics? The Prof is really amazing with some insane knowledge on most underrated subject I ever came across.