Desire -2

This is a story of a guy who's staying alive because she's holding him and the girl has no idea that she keeps him ticking.This is my story. She is my story.  Love is all about anticipation. I am learning it on an extended basis. And I am okay with the fact even if it’s never going to be materialized. I love her to see her happy. With anybody she wishes to be with for the rest of her life. You see I am a big SRK fan in this regard. :P

We didn’t get married. Thank God. As now I know some best love stories don’t need any ending just like they don’t need any beginning either. Too filmy. Tck..Tck.. And I do claim our love story the best. Just chill guys. Everyone claims so. What’s a big deal? Now stop rolling your eye balls and let’s concentrate on my blog please.

We met in a coffee shop and believe me for the very first time in my life Coffee from CCD tasted better than nectar. And her smile whacked all the jumbled up wires of my brain. The strange thing in life is that you can never be yourself fully in front someone who is like worth your dream. Your voice chokes, you begin to sweat and all of a sudden you become conscious of your own attire and etiquette.

Falling in love is easy. I fall in love at least a thousand times.  Come on guys .I am not kidding. It’s different that I could not able convert it into “Veer Zara” afterwards. And please don’t read between my lines as it was pure platonic except two relations. Sigh!  Sigh!

 Contrary to the popular belief, guys don’t fall in love instantly, I beg to differ. Guys fall in love almost all the time. With the latest smartphones, with latest SUVs, with Sunny Leone’s assets, with Yuvraj’s blistering innings, with latest flavor of vodka and even with brand new Macbook. It’s very easy to turn on a guy than a girl. So when I met this girl I instantly fell in love. No it’s not about for her looks. Although she is beautiful. Yah ! Breath-takingly kinda. It’s not about for her broken Bengali ascent either. It’s because she made me realize that I can write something way striking than some people. Love you for that and I owe you.

Like every story unfolds with a twist my story also has no big differences. It’s about three months we are not in touch except exchanging some pleasantries through Whatsapp but yeah she is still there with me. May be somewhere in my dreams, may be in my phone’s small memory, may be somewhere near Karunamoyee, may be somewhere that I never able to make you people understand.

Desire...

You know It hurts to drift away from someone and as I said I am not good with the Goodbyes and specially when you have developed a tremendous longing for her unknowingly and stupidly. And when you allow yourself to dig up the old memories of shared closeness it left me deserted. I wish you could have moved on and tell him that you have found someone who loves you unconditionally and beyond everything and more than him. I wish you could have.

Yet I have to seat with my laptop with all of my shattered dreams and stubborn silences. You did the right thing by removing me from you FB Account. Thanks a ton. Otherwise every time I open FB I have to ponder over your name for few hours and pretend as if I am not noticing you .I almost forgot when the last time I have cried. May be a year ago and promised myself not to cry again. Not for any girl at least but you know destiny has had other plan for me. My friends says it’s girlie thing but you know I feel to suffocated if I don’t. My friends say me to grow up but every parts of me refuses to do so .Even after my heartbreaks. Though I am skeptical It exists or not. The problem of me is that I have very few friends and after joining corporate life your social life takes the backseat. You become a loner as your entire friend gets lost in the rat race.

It was almost funny how after approaching each other for arranged marriage I fall in love with you that also by residing in two different states. But you know I have no regrets even if I know we probably would not meet ever. It all will be faded away one day. My terrace will grew too small and my heart break will get too big. I dreamt of many things and shared something which I never shared with till date. My heart. Though I had a relation earlier but as I said there was no love between us and most importantly she didn’t succeed to touch my heart which you have done easily. Yeah I admit it’s very silly for me to fall for someone in just one month. I should not have but then again I couldn’t stop myself falling for you. You know what I become insomaniac in these two months along with you. Like couple of days ago I find night too short for talk to you but it’s too long for me now.

But You know I will be always cherishing the memories of these two months with you. This is not falling out of touch this will be more. This is not just growing up this is growing out of each other. Love…….:)

P.S. :Please smile a lot. You look best while you smile. As you were complaining that I am not writing these days. I wrote exclusively for you. You deserve a lot more post which I will write later on. Thanks a lot for providing me the ingredients to write once more. Love you.

My Kinda Gal.Part -1

Of late I am little disturbed. As the days are progressing, my ever pestering (caring & loving of course) parents every now and then showing me their why-don’t-you settling looks. They sometime even categorically hinted that since Aishwarya has already been taken by Abhishek , it’s hard to find her. So they quickly need someone to flaunt in our society. Meanwhile their somewhat confused son is at a loss. Even his friends have only one thing to discuss with him. Marriage. Now meanwhile I needed you guys to know what I am actually looking for. I am not looking for Ash sure but then again it’s very difficult to make someone to understand what I am actually looking for. So I have decided to pen it down. I hope,if not anyone else, you guys will understand me at least.

My kinda girl smell like first rain, taste like exotic vodka shot, sound like ocean & look like the line of favourite book where I would ponder over perhaps for life yet it would feel like every time I am reading for the first time. She would feel ecstatic just by my touch & sometimes may be by presence or thoughts. She would make my world ever beautiful that I have ever imagined. She wouldn’t be obsessed by her beauty but still know the art of making you go weak in my knees by her aura. She would nurture my murky shrunken heart with her smile and then fill up with her own little dreams. She would make me believe that still love exists in the narrow world. She would not differentiate between Roses & Thrones, between fantasy and reality, between bloodshed and strawberry field, between distances & proximity, between love & hates, between mortality & eternity.

P.S. It's strange when you still stumble upon on a day which you wish to forget.

Boulevard of Memories

In a wintry afternoon Sayak decided to drop by there. The place which use to haunt him like hell. He hadn't gone there since Ritika left him. He was so paranoid about this place then that he also used to avoid the road, leading in front of that flat. The flat where so many of his memories crammed up in 840 sqft. Too many memories for his 27 years of life probably.

The mid December Sun is about to set out by coloring the skyline with dash of bright orange. The wintry afternoon always makes Sayak gloomy so he has on lean on the best memories. The watchman smiled at him. Gosh! He still remembers me. He waved his hand in reply. He parks the car and came out and straight headed to the Lift. The slight craggy corridor beckoned him. He opened the door of his flat slowly. He has to vacate it within this month. The flat where he and Ritika saw many dreams together. As he approached towards Bedroom a familiar smell began to hit his sense. The smell is so familiar to him. One night when he and Ritika were making out Ritika told him that she can sense his smell within a distance.

Sayak came to the terrace. This is the place which is closest to his heart. They both went loggers head with each other for this open balcony as he was so much reluctant to take this flat because of the open balcony. He is little acrophobic but finally he gave in and took the flat in rent. Later on he realized if he hadn’t rent out this flat, he would have missed some beautiful memories from his life. Once they spent the entire night of in the couch in their open terrace, counting stars. Another day Ritika made Sayak to skip his office just to watch Rain-swept Kolkata from their 12^th floor terrace. The bougainvillea tree looked deserted & dusty. May be he is also got tired like Sayak. Tired of silence. Tired of its own existence. Once these flowers used to adorn in someone’s bun but now they too felt deserted, getting accustomed to the silence of the room.

Sayak went to the bedroom. The three door cub board is still open. Much of their precious and important things they both took away with them. What left back were little pieces of Sayak and Ritika  which someday needed to be trashed, somewhere. Sayak opened the cupboard.  Ritika’s sunglasses are lying and so is her blue colour scarf which Sayak bought during their Goa Trip. A blue envelope with full of dust is resting in the farthest corner. Sayak opened the envelope. Some black & white random photographs came out. He remembered once during his random photo session he clicked some beautiful photographs of Ritika and printed them out from the studio just to woo Ritika. Memories such a thing you love to linger on. Every damn thing in this 840 sqft has its own story, has its own reason to stay here without the one person Sayak love the most. The packet beside the envelope contains a wallet which Ritika gave her in the last Valentine’s Day.

Sayak’s heart ached profusely when, in a distracted moment, in that room, Sayak realized that he is going to miss someone for rest of his life and to his surprise in that unsettled moment he discovered the depth of their attachment at that abandoned place. At that particular moment, in midst of awkward silence, he probably reinvents the Love for Ritika once again.

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Under the clear blue November sky someone used to watch the street in front of his office intensely. The street which straight leads him to a place where his love is resting on someone’s cupboard carefully wrapped in red & blue envelopes. So what? He still loves his love. The love which makes him runs from Sukanta Setu to 8B in just 7-8 minutes. The love which makes him roams around in the alleys & by lanes of this City with her. The love which makes him awake whole night just to watch someone is sleeping peacefully. The love which made him say her beautiful at the last day of their relation, sitting in a bench in front of Abcos, knowing that this was the last day of their togetherness . The love which made him knelt down for the first time in life to propose her after continuing 5 years of relationship. The love which makes him jump from running Rajdhani Express to kiss someone in front of his friend’s parents, forgetting the existence of any living creature, for the moment at least. The love which creeps in almost invisibly against his self imposed exile. The love which one day suddenly announced its existence proudly when he was sitting at the Airport lounge about to leave for Bangalore.

He thinks of someone who one day suddenly let him go, let him lost in the crowd in midst of strangers in his ever familiar City. The same City which keeps changing color in every season, in every festival, oblivious of someone’s existence. He smirks. He is good. He is good in every possible way. The City gave him enough memory to cherish for rest of his life.

Once he dreamt of a perfect life. A Small happy close knit family but now not only he has to combat with his past but present and future also. There are ever pestering parents to deal with, then there is his MBA and a boss who always eager to get himself out from the firing line. Her disappearance has changed every equation of his life.

Sometimes when he passes in front of Abcos he used to observe the bench closely. What if one day she and he meets somewhere suddenly after years? After long long years on a cold afternoon in Kolkata in front of the bench of the tea stall what will they do? Would she able  sense his smell? Would she able to sense his existence? Probably by then she would have gained a few more kilos and he would have silver lining in his hair. She would have kids and may be turn to Grandma by then. Time would snatch her beauty and he would have wrinkles around his face probably but he would still find her sweet whenever he will set his eyes on her. He knows what he will tell to her that day. You are looking Beautiful.

Memories of Exaltation

    

She was in the midst of her dressing up ritual and getting ready for the day. The carelessly wrapped up towel around her gave him a reason to look beyond his Laptop and imagination to run wild.  The Mid November breeze has just picked up its speed for forthcoming winter. It’s not that she never dressed up in front of him but that never caught his attention, mainly he found it little absurd to ogle at someone unaware but today it’s a bit different. Today they are 1000 miles away from their respective homes. Today there is a time for everything. Today he can watch her, relish her every attempt to look beautiful. He looked at her again and the out of bath look of her just blew him. He got mesmerized by seeing the droplets of water were oozing out from her towel tied bun like dew falling from the sky, like a shooting star falling from the profound sky.

He struggled to remain at the bed. He went to her and embraced her from the back & planted a kiss at her slender neck. She quivered and he could feel the trembling of her body. She looked at him and the kajal smudged eyes of her said many untold stories. Those eyes spoke a lot. She put her arm around his neck and tried to reach him. He tilted little further and within a blink his lips took the custody of her. She turned to him and embraced him tightly. The soft caressing of her breasts against his chest created ripples in his body. The sudden shyness tinged her face with an unusual shade of red. He couldn’t think of anything at that particular moment. He picked her up slowly in his arms. She closed her eyes. The shivering of her body, the warmth, the scent always makes his sanity to go chaotic.


They both lied in the bed, fully content; facing each other .The half lit cigarette rests on the ashtray casually. There’s certain calmness in her eyes now .She put her hand on his hair and began to flip through his hair. He always felt very difficult to open up his eyes when ruffled through his hair with her nimble fingers. Suddenly she upturned herself and came closer to him and planted a kiss to his cheek. He smiled. She smiled back at him.He thought that he would never be able to tell her that how much he had missed her at Kolkata. Sometimes the lonely evenings of weekend at Kolkata really bothered him so much that he used to avoid going to shopping malls. Lest it sounds too girlie, he refrained himself from telling her that how he missed her touch, missed her giggles, missed her dimples, missed her smell and more importantly missed being together. She rested her head on his chest and began to caress around his chest once again. He thought if he were the God he would freeze that moment for forever.


You know there are certain moments, certain dreams, certain hope and certain scent that never get fades away for our life. Moments that make your life worth living , dreams that are worth cherishing forever, Hope to gives you another chance to start the life afresh and whip of the scent that is worth craving for rest of you life. Like a dream it keeps coming to your life again and again and every time when they come you fall in love all over again.Some smiles, Some impromptu moments, some stubborn silence remain at the bottom of everyone's heart forever.

P.S. The content may be inappropriate for the teenagers so please excuse me.

The Broken Strings

You know it was one of those days of pain. It was one of those days when you embrace the lie as a truth knowingly and always hope for a miracle to happen. Emotions from your past sin tend to came out of you like a magma tossing up from a ruptured volcano. It was one of those suffocating afternoons when you got tired of everything, even of your own life. I was accompanied by cigarettes & J. The half lit, smoke filled room reminded me the trauma of that night again and again. That night that changed everything. J was trying hard to cheer myself up with his guitar. He knows me well. He always sings my favorite songs when my pain gets unbearable like his. The best part of J is that I don’t have to tell something about my mood to him. He can read me far better than anyone else.

 

Two lost soul searching their way out from the labyrinth of Love. Two twisted tale of Love. Two Confused guy caught in the crossroad of life oblivious to their respective destiny. Two strangely similar stories, which revolves around their life and sometime raises question against their existence. Two people trying hard to find solace in each others grief. Why it’s so much difficult to deal with the shattered dreams, broken promises and unrequited love?

It hurts certainly. It hurts to see you in others arm. It hurts when I see myself in the mirror. It hurts when I see people around me insanely in love with each other. It hurts when blood oozes out from my veins and I couldn’t feel the pain. It hurts when my scream didn’t reach to you and got unnoticed and it equally hurts when I look at J only to find his pale face. I didn’t find him smiling for ages. It hurts when I see everyday our love is dying a slow death and I can’t do anything but screaming my heart out. There is no one to blame for, not even you. Sometime all it takes a moment to forget someone and sometimes a lifetime is not even enough to move on. Who knows? May be J is right we have became too backdated in this fast forward world where every emotion comes with a different price tags.

 

Had I wished to, I could adopt your way to chose somebody to deal with the pain but I hadn’t. I want to find bliss in your ignorance. You haven’t had that much of depth even to realize what you have lost, what you left behind. Let me allow to deal with the pain, let me allow to deal with your memories, let me allow to deal with the nightmares; let me allow to deal with the betrayal, let me allow to deal with the rage, let me allow to deal with the hate and let me allow to deal with the unrequited love.