Desire -2

This is a story of a guy who's staying alive because she's holding him and the girl has no idea that she keeps him ticking.This is my story. She is my story.  Love is all about anticipation. I am learning it on an extended basis. And I am okay with the fact even if it’s never going to be materialized. I love her to see her happy. With anybody she wishes to be with for the rest of her life. You see I am a big SRK fan in this regard. :P

We didn’t get married. Thank God. As now I know some best love stories don’t need any ending just like they don’t need any beginning either. Too filmy. Tck..Tck.. And I do claim our love story the best. Just chill guys. Everyone claims so. What’s a big deal? Now stop rolling your eye balls and let’s concentrate on my blog please.

We met in a coffee shop and believe me for the very first time in my life Coffee from CCD tasted better than nectar. And her smile whacked all the jumbled up wires of my brain. The strange thing in life is that you can never be yourself fully in front someone who is like worth your dream. Your voice chokes, you begin to sweat and all of a sudden you become conscious of your own attire and etiquette.

Falling in love is easy. I fall in love at least a thousand times.  Come on guys .I am not kidding. It’s different that I could not able convert it into “Veer Zara” afterwards. And please don’t read between my lines as it was pure platonic except two relations. Sigh!  Sigh!

 Contrary to the popular belief, guys don’t fall in love instantly, I beg to differ. Guys fall in love almost all the time. With the latest smartphones, with latest SUVs, with Sunny Leone’s assets, with Yuvraj’s blistering innings, with latest flavor of vodka and even with brand new Macbook. It’s very easy to turn on a guy than a girl. So when I met this girl I instantly fell in love. No it’s not about for her looks. Although she is beautiful. Yah ! Breath-takingly kinda. It’s not about for her broken Bengali ascent either. It’s because she made me realize that I can write something way striking than some people. Love you for that and I owe you.

Like every story unfolds with a twist my story also has no big differences. It’s about three months we are not in touch except exchanging some pleasantries through Whatsapp but yeah she is still there with me. May be somewhere in my dreams, may be in my phone’s small memory, may be somewhere near Karunamoyee, may be somewhere that I never able to make you people understand.

Desire...

You know It hurts to drift away from someone and as I said I am not good with the Goodbyes and specially when you have developed a tremendous longing for her unknowingly and stupidly. And when you allow yourself to dig up the old memories of shared closeness it left me deserted. I wish you could have moved on and tell him that you have found someone who loves you unconditionally and beyond everything and more than him. I wish you could have.

Yet I have to seat with my laptop with all of my shattered dreams and stubborn silences. You did the right thing by removing me from you FB Account. Thanks a ton. Otherwise every time I open FB I have to ponder over your name for few hours and pretend as if I am not noticing you .I almost forgot when the last time I have cried. May be a year ago and promised myself not to cry again. Not for any girl at least but you know destiny has had other plan for me. My friends says it’s girlie thing but you know I feel to suffocated if I don’t. My friends say me to grow up but every parts of me refuses to do so .Even after my heartbreaks. Though I am skeptical It exists or not. The problem of me is that I have very few friends and after joining corporate life your social life takes the backseat. You become a loner as your entire friend gets lost in the rat race.

It was almost funny how after approaching each other for arranged marriage I fall in love with you that also by residing in two different states. But you know I have no regrets even if I know we probably would not meet ever. It all will be faded away one day. My terrace will grew too small and my heart break will get too big. I dreamt of many things and shared something which I never shared with till date. My heart. Though I had a relation earlier but as I said there was no love between us and most importantly she didn’t succeed to touch my heart which you have done easily. Yeah I admit it’s very silly for me to fall for someone in just one month. I should not have but then again I couldn’t stop myself falling for you. You know what I become insomaniac in these two months along with you. Like couple of days ago I find night too short for talk to you but it’s too long for me now.

But You know I will be always cherishing the memories of these two months with you. This is not falling out of touch this will be more. This is not just growing up this is growing out of each other. Love…….:)

P.S. :Please smile a lot. You look best while you smile. As you were complaining that I am not writing these days. I wrote exclusively for you. You deserve a lot more post which I will write later on. Thanks a lot for providing me the ingredients to write once more. Love you.

My Kinda Gal.Part -1

Of late I am little disturbed. As the days are progressing, my ever pestering (caring & loving of course) parents every now and then showing me their why-don’t-you settling looks. They sometime even categorically hinted that since Aishwarya has already been taken by Abhishek , it’s hard to find her. So they quickly need someone to flaunt in our society. Meanwhile their somewhat confused son is at a loss. Even his friends have only one thing to discuss with him. Marriage. Now meanwhile I needed you guys to know what I am actually looking for. I am not looking for Ash sure but then again it’s very difficult to make someone to understand what I am actually looking for. So I have decided to pen it down. I hope,if not anyone else, you guys will understand me at least.

My kinda girl smell like first rain, taste like exotic vodka shot, sound like ocean & look like the line of favourite book where I would ponder over perhaps for life yet it would feel like every time I am reading for the first time. She would feel ecstatic just by my touch & sometimes may be by presence or thoughts. She would make my world ever beautiful that I have ever imagined. She wouldn’t be obsessed by her beauty but still know the art of making you go weak in my knees by her aura. She would nurture my murky shrunken heart with her smile and then fill up with her own little dreams. She would make me believe that still love exists in the narrow world. She would not differentiate between Roses & Thrones, between fantasy and reality, between bloodshed and strawberry field, between distances & proximity, between love & hates, between mortality & eternity.

P.S. It's strange when you still stumble upon on a day which you wish to forget.

Boulevard of Memories

In a wintry afternoon Sayak decided to drop by there. The place which use to haunt him like hell. He hadn't gone there since Ritika left him. He was so paranoid about this place then that he also used to avoid the road, leading in front of that flat. The flat where so many of his memories crammed up in 840 sqft. Too many memories for his 27 years of life probably.

The mid December Sun is about to set out by coloring the skyline with dash of bright orange. The wintry afternoon always makes Sayak gloomy so he has on lean on the best memories. The watchman smiled at him. Gosh! He still remembers me. He waved his hand in reply. He parks the car and came out and straight headed to the Lift. The slight craggy corridor beckoned him. He opened the door of his flat slowly. He has to vacate it within this month. The flat where he and Ritika saw many dreams together. As he approached towards Bedroom a familiar smell began to hit his sense. The smell is so familiar to him. One night when he and Ritika were making out Ritika told him that she can sense his smell within a distance.

Sayak came to the terrace. This is the place which is closest to his heart. They both went loggers head with each other for this open balcony as he was so much reluctant to take this flat because of the open balcony. He is little acrophobic but finally he gave in and took the flat in rent. Later on he realized if he hadn’t rent out this flat, he would have missed some beautiful memories from his life. Once they spent the entire night of in the couch in their open terrace, counting stars. Another day Ritika made Sayak to skip his office just to watch Rain-swept Kolkata from their 12^th floor terrace. The bougainvillea tree looked deserted & dusty. May be he is also got tired like Sayak. Tired of silence. Tired of its own existence. Once these flowers used to adorn in someone’s bun but now they too felt deserted, getting accustomed to the silence of the room.

Sayak went to the bedroom. The three door cub board is still open. Much of their precious and important things they both took away with them. What left back were little pieces of Sayak and Ritika  which someday needed to be trashed, somewhere. Sayak opened the cupboard.  Ritika’s sunglasses are lying and so is her blue colour scarf which Sayak bought during their Goa Trip. A blue envelope with full of dust is resting in the farthest corner. Sayak opened the envelope. Some black & white random photographs came out. He remembered once during his random photo session he clicked some beautiful photographs of Ritika and printed them out from the studio just to woo Ritika. Memories such a thing you love to linger on. Every damn thing in this 840 sqft has its own story, has its own reason to stay here without the one person Sayak love the most. The packet beside the envelope contains a wallet which Ritika gave her in the last Valentine’s Day.

Sayak’s heart ached profusely when, in a distracted moment, in that room, Sayak realized that he is going to miss someone for rest of his life and to his surprise in that unsettled moment he discovered the depth of their attachment at that abandoned place. At that particular moment, in midst of awkward silence, he probably reinvents the Love for Ritika once again.

Untitled

Under the clear blue November sky someone used to watch the street in front of his office intensely. The street which straight leads him to a place where his love is resting on someone’s cupboard carefully wrapped in red & blue envelopes. So what? He still loves his love. The love which makes him runs from Sukanta Setu to 8B in just 7-8 minutes. The love which makes him roams around in the alleys & by lanes of this City with her. The love which makes him awake whole night just to watch someone is sleeping peacefully. The love which made him say her beautiful at the last day of their relation, sitting in a bench in front of Abcos, knowing that this was the last day of their togetherness . The love which made him knelt down for the first time in life to propose her after continuing 5 years of relationship. The love which makes him jump from running Rajdhani Express to kiss someone in front of his friend’s parents, forgetting the existence of any living creature, for the moment at least. The love which creeps in almost invisibly against his self imposed exile. The love which one day suddenly announced its existence proudly when he was sitting at the Airport lounge about to leave for Bangalore.

He thinks of someone who one day suddenly let him go, let him lost in the crowd in midst of strangers in his ever familiar City. The same City which keeps changing color in every season, in every festival, oblivious of someone’s existence. He smirks. He is good. He is good in every possible way. The City gave him enough memory to cherish for rest of his life.

Once he dreamt of a perfect life. A Small happy close knit family but now not only he has to combat with his past but present and future also. There are ever pestering parents to deal with, then there is his MBA and a boss who always eager to get himself out from the firing line. Her disappearance has changed every equation of his life.

Sometimes when he passes in front of Abcos he used to observe the bench closely. What if one day she and he meets somewhere suddenly after years? After long long years on a cold afternoon in Kolkata in front of the bench of the tea stall what will they do? Would she able  sense his smell? Would she able to sense his existence? Probably by then she would have gained a few more kilos and he would have silver lining in his hair. She would have kids and may be turn to Grandma by then. Time would snatch her beauty and he would have wrinkles around his face probably but he would still find her sweet whenever he will set his eyes on her. He knows what he will tell to her that day. You are looking Beautiful.

Memories of Exaltation

    

She was in the midst of her dressing up ritual and getting ready for the day. The carelessly wrapped up towel around her gave him a reason to look beyond his Laptop and imagination to run wild.  The Mid November breeze has just picked up its speed for forthcoming winter. It’s not that she never dressed up in front of him but that never caught his attention, mainly he found it little absurd to ogle at someone unaware but today it’s a bit different. Today they are 1000 miles away from their respective homes. Today there is a time for everything. Today he can watch her, relish her every attempt to look beautiful. He looked at her again and the out of bath look of her just blew him. He got mesmerized by seeing the droplets of water were oozing out from her towel tied bun like dew falling from the sky, like a shooting star falling from the profound sky.

He struggled to remain at the bed. He went to her and embraced her from the back & planted a kiss at her slender neck. She quivered and he could feel the trembling of her body. She looked at him and the kajal smudged eyes of her said many untold stories. Those eyes spoke a lot. She put her arm around his neck and tried to reach him. He tilted little further and within a blink his lips took the custody of her. She turned to him and embraced him tightly. The soft caressing of her breasts against his chest created ripples in his body. The sudden shyness tinged her face with an unusual shade of red. He couldn’t think of anything at that particular moment. He picked her up slowly in his arms. She closed her eyes. The shivering of her body, the warmth, the scent always makes his sanity to go chaotic.


They both lied in the bed, fully content; facing each other .The half lit cigarette rests on the ashtray casually. There’s certain calmness in her eyes now .She put her hand on his hair and began to flip through his hair. He always felt very difficult to open up his eyes when ruffled through his hair with her nimble fingers. Suddenly she upturned herself and came closer to him and planted a kiss to his cheek. He smiled. She smiled back at him.He thought that he would never be able to tell her that how much he had missed her at Kolkata. Sometimes the lonely evenings of weekend at Kolkata really bothered him so much that he used to avoid going to shopping malls. Lest it sounds too girlie, he refrained himself from telling her that how he missed her touch, missed her giggles, missed her dimples, missed her smell and more importantly missed being together. She rested her head on his chest and began to caress around his chest once again. He thought if he were the God he would freeze that moment for forever.


You know there are certain moments, certain dreams, certain hope and certain scent that never get fades away for our life. Moments that make your life worth living , dreams that are worth cherishing forever, Hope to gives you another chance to start the life afresh and whip of the scent that is worth craving for rest of you life. Like a dream it keeps coming to your life again and again and every time when they come you fall in love all over again.Some smiles, Some impromptu moments, some stubborn silence remain at the bottom of everyone's heart forever.

P.S. The content may be inappropriate for the teenagers so please excuse me.

The Broken Strings

You know it was one of those days of pain. It was one of those days when you embrace the lie as a truth knowingly and always hope for a miracle to happen. Emotions from your past sin tend to came out of you like a magma tossing up from a ruptured volcano. It was one of those suffocating afternoons when you got tired of everything, even of your own life. I was accompanied by cigarettes & J. The half lit, smoke filled room reminded me the trauma of that night again and again. That night that changed everything. J was trying hard to cheer myself up with his guitar. He knows me well. He always sings my favorite songs when my pain gets unbearable like his. The best part of J is that I don’t have to tell something about my mood to him. He can read me far better than anyone else.

 

Two lost soul searching their way out from the labyrinth of Love. Two twisted tale of Love. Two Confused guy caught in the crossroad of life oblivious to their respective destiny. Two strangely similar stories, which revolves around their life and sometime raises question against their existence. Two people trying hard to find solace in each others grief. Why it’s so much difficult to deal with the shattered dreams, broken promises and unrequited love?

It hurts certainly. It hurts to see you in others arm. It hurts when I see myself in the mirror. It hurts when I see people around me insanely in love with each other. It hurts when blood oozes out from my veins and I couldn’t feel the pain. It hurts when my scream didn’t reach to you and got unnoticed and it equally hurts when I look at J only to find his pale face. I didn’t find him smiling for ages. It hurts when I see everyday our love is dying a slow death and I can’t do anything but screaming my heart out. There is no one to blame for, not even you. Sometime all it takes a moment to forget someone and sometimes a lifetime is not even enough to move on. Who knows? May be J is right we have became too backdated in this fast forward world where every emotion comes with a different price tags.

 

Had I wished to, I could adopt your way to chose somebody to deal with the pain but I hadn’t. I want to find bliss in your ignorance. You haven’t had that much of depth even to realize what you have lost, what you left behind. Let me allow to deal with the pain, let me allow to deal with your memories, let me allow to deal with the nightmares; let me allow to deal with the betrayal, let me allow to deal with the rage, let me allow to deal with the hate and let me allow to deal with the unrequited love.

The Swapping

I have deliberately given the title so that you guys can let your imagination and fantasy fly having the wings spread on. Long live your imagination and fantasy but let me tell you the truth very clearly that this post has not been even remotely associated with your imagination. On a contrary it’s about doing right things at right moment with the help of my little presence of mind (which is very rare in me).Anyways enough insult of mine.

People, in my office, think of me as very stylist which by the way I am not. I wear branded clothes just because they are well fit and look good on me. I have no inhibition in picking my clothes from the roadside stalls either provided that fit me well. I can read the taste of the people far well than anybody and yeah I brag about this fact. I see everything from the aesthetic point on view so my colleagues rely on me heavily whenever there is a farewell or birthday party as I became the oblivious choice for buying the gifts for them.

 

It happened one day when two of my colleague is leaving our organization on the same day. So I have been called up in our group to suggest an idea about the gift. I suggest them that we should gift them a nice wrist watch as it’s very convenient to buy as well as we can be least bothered about the preferences of them. So after getting the approval from my colleagues I went on buying two watches for them in near by Titan shop. As one of them between them was little aged so I decided to buy a Golden color steel Titan watch for him and A contemporary stylist one for the one who is just four years senior than me. I got them packed & wrapped with colorful paper and came back to my Office.

Now at the evening we gathered in a common place in our office for giving them those gifts to them. A little reminiscence went on. Then finally my Manager handed over the respective gifts to them amid huge clapping. Then we returned to our respective cubicle. Suddenly I realized that the two packets of gift had been swapped by my Manager by mistake and he had given the Golden watch to the younger person and the contemporary stylist one to the aged one. A little do I know that my boss will end up doing such mishap?

I returned to my boss’s cabin and told about the swapping of packets. He seemed to look worried but real problem was that you can’t ask anybody to return the gift on the ground as it has been swapped. I returned to cubicle and tried to find an idea. Suddenly a great plan came to mind accidentally. I went to one of colleague and told them to take two of them for smoking from their respective cubicles so that I can swap the gifts. As instructed, my colleague took both of them downstairs for smoke and meanwhile I began the Operation. I went to both of their cubicle and swapped the watch and then repacked it nicely and within 10 minutes everything hopefully happened just like it had to be. I told my manager about that he laughed insanely but luckily they both didn’t open the packets to check out the respective gifts or else the operation could not be done.

After 10 minutes they both came back with my colleague and I signaled him a high five. He smiled back at me. At the time of leaving my office I made them open the respective boxes and they were both very happy to see their watches. Well “Operation Swapping” went well. Sometimes you know you have to do little unethical things to make some moment priceless.

 

The Wait...

It has been a long wait for you sweetheart and now inevitably I am getting restless. Everyday I   search you in the crowd, in the deserted place and in the every small turn of the road I ever pass by. My world revolves around you and only you. You know you are so addictive that I can’t think beyond you. Every night I look through my window and try to figure you out in the midst of darkness.

How do you look? I hope you are cute, impulsive, graceful and so adorable. You know I like long hair, somewhat straight but don’t make it artificially because that will belittle your image to me. You have to be natural like a spring.

You know girl I am little shy and introvert so don’t mind if I don’t look to smart and cool when we bumped with each other very first time but as time progresses you will eventually get to know me better. As I know I won’t find myself comfortable sitting with you in a new posh restaurant so would you mind if I take you to some cozy corner or rather some informal places on first date?

Well I am good listener so whenever you feel the uncontrollable urge to say anything you can surely call me at any time but let me tell you one thing that I like to be called in the morning during the half trance state of mine. It will seem to me that I am talking to in the dream. The first thing u should tell me is “I Love you” as it will make my day .Oh! One more thing, Please say “I love you” very often as it will keep me alive.

My culinary skills are limited to omelets and teas so don’t expect me to do such stuffs and on a contrary I would rather prefer to have bed tea made by you in the morning. Sometime I will cook for you to woo you but I hope you won’t judge it going by the taste as its all love that trickles down further whenever you would eat it with a smiling face.

Did I tell you that Blue is my favorite colour so please don’t get irritated when most of the time I end up buying a shirt which has a hint of blue. I even use a perfume named “Blue for Men”. What is your favorite colour? You know I would like to see you different shades of colour like fuchsia, pink, purple, lemon and mauve. I hope these colours will compliment you far more than others. By the way I am little shopaholic.

I am fond of kajal so whenever we meet please smudge it religiously so that I can’t take my eyes off you. I like ethnic clothes more than the western ones so please fill your wardrobe with traditional ones. Save the jeans and other things for your Girls day out. I love bangles and anklets so every weekend I will shop it for you. I have been fetish for smell so perfume surely will be shopping list. Just only one request that please don’t go overboard as far as make up is concerned as that will make you look more plastic than real. Simplicity has its own charm and aura.

 You know I like to see different kind of movies that made me think about the issue so please accompany me even if you don’t like these types of movies. I will accompany you to soft romantic types of movies also. Please read my every blog first as they are the kind of seismograph of my mind. Don’t hurt me ever as I can’t handle emotion to well. I am a die hard romantic person. Are you??

I am very liberal so I would give you enough space to breathe freely. I won’t interfere in your privacy. I hope you will love me more than I could possibly love you. Please embrace me tightly whenever I feel low as it will be reason enough for me to regain my confidence there after. I love dreaming. Do you dream? I love to build castle in the air so please stand by me to make them tangible.

When will we meet? I am here just waiting for you girl. Come and embrace me so tightly that even death too alters its own course before coming to me.

Yours forever,

Soumya

(P.S.-This blog is inspired from Aparna and probably it's kind of male version.)

The Journey Back To Reality

Well it is almost after five and half years from now and I am again Single and no this time I am not ready to mingle provided those two girls I used to see while going on the way to my office ,don’t look too beautiful at times because one of them among these two, specially remind me of someone. Single, quiet self acclaimed declaration I suppose but quiet irritating to get accustomed specially as at this juncture when most of my close friends going through their just married kind of state. Nevertheless I will keep chasing my dreams & love and one day I hope they do cross in my way. Someday again I will be able to laugh my heart out, someday again I will able to lead my life carefree, someday again I will be able think rationally and someday again I will be able to start my journey back to Life from where I left.

I have been a big believer of Love. Not sure if I still am yet I know they exists somewhere in the world. May be somewhere in my close knit bonded circle of my friends and family where I feel secure, at least emotionally. In that circle we all cry, laugh, share our dreams and sometime hurt each other but never let anyone go. You can fake your love, you can fake a smile, you can fake a cry, you can even fake an orgasm but you can’t fake around with your feelings as it’s the only thing that certainly not in your hand. Though you can manipulate your emotion and feelings in an extent but trust me they do come back at every possible time. Those roads you walked together in the rain, those moment you wiped her tears off, those moment you smiled together, those moment you looked at her, those moment she blushed,  those moment she embraced you in love, those late night phone calls, those food you shared stays with you for good and the memories wouldn't make you laugh either.

It’s very strange that in an unknown city, with completely unknown people around, in an apartment, we share our life with each other yet not sharing rooms. All those people have different stories to tell, different memories to cherish but yet alike life to live. We bonded well over beer, we bonded well with cigarettes and sometime we bonded over the common misery that we all face at the end of the day.

Today sitting in Grand Oberoi, during an office gathering, I realized the truth. The truth is that I can never ever be able to forget her because no matter how hard I try, she percolated down in me such a way I can never fathom the abyss. Today I have realized that moments between you & me was never a lie. I can never be able to withdraw my care & respect for you, no matter what I come to know and what I see. The truth is you are right there with me in the Oberoi. No not physically but my mind is always engulfed by your smile, your care and your thought. The truth is that you never left me but down the line somewhere love left us but the thread of love is so strong that it can endure almost anything. Today sitting in a dark portico, I realized how lucky I am to have you who almost suffocated me with your love. I will treasure your memories till the day I close my eyes. I will treasure your love all through this life and life to come thereafter.

 Touch wood.

Life with a New Identity

Some days ago one of my friends called me up and told me that of late I am writing some blogs full of worries and some boring stuffs. Not Denied. I personally use to hate these types of blogs which make me more pessimistic about life. Here comes something which is more or less like me and I am back with a bang in the advent of New Year with some fresh lease of life. Imbibe or ignore that’s up to you guys.
             So much happening around the world and in my life too as now I have new identity.No I didn’t get married and hailing from a privileged class in gender biased society, I don’t have to bother about the crisis of changing my social identity, my surname.Now I am a student of EPGDIBM in Indian Institute of Foreign Trade-Kolkata,something I dreamt of ,something I proud of. Dad had once told me something that seems to be much more relevant in my context today. He had told me that someday will come when it will be absolute necessary for every teacher (Irrespective of their own subjects) to know some programming language otherwise they might lose their jobs. What Dad had tried to say me that always stay first in the race as far as knowledge and technology is concerned. Thanks dad for the knowledge and I will always be stay awake to grab knowledge and technology so that I can’t become an extinct in the race of Life.
                                                        Well coming to IIFT, it has been a hectic first two week at IIFT. After a gap of almost four and half years I am again there in the pile of books, getting accustomed to the size and weight of them. We also getting accustomed with the interpretation of some hi-fi words like strategic advantage, GDP, Debenture, P.E. Ratio which I used to see in the newspaper only. Classes and more classes followed one after another leaving me thinking about my decision to join IIFT. It also made me think of the risk of becoming the last one of the class although if you know me then you know that I don’t mind being last boy (I didn’t mind being last boy at JU) but for some unknown reason I don’t want to be the last one at IIFT and I really mean that. The only problem we are having that to listen our lectures at post lunch session at it’s become very difficult to open our eyes after lunch and obviously the courtesy goes to IIFT  as they have arranged some wonderful food. Sometime in the middle of those lecture I find that old Soumya who is sometime taking frantic notes, sometime listening to Prof, sometime also questioning the Prof and sometime thinking about someone. It’s a whole new experience for me and you bet I am enjoying every bit of it.
                                                                            Time would be the main constraint if I think from today. Things won’t be the same again here onwards. I used to be regular blogger and no it’s not that I used to write very frequent but at least thrice in a week I used to read the other updates from those whose blogs I am following and used to think how they write such a good English on a good subject in their blogs but MBA at IIFT certainly is going to take a  toll on me as I would have less time to be in Blogging and other Networking Sites and forget to inform you guys that already they have given me enough assignments and presentations to ponder over my decision in taking admission at IIFT. Moreover one Prof has going ahead of all as he is sending us the reminder mail at regular interval regarding the deadline of submitting Assignments that he had given.


Oh! Did I mention that I almost fall in love with Economics? The Prof is really amazing with some insane knowledge on most underrated subject I ever came across.

Encounter with the word "Oxymoron" again in my Life

What did you do if someone in the office, you hated the most would resign suddenly?


What did you do if you got the opportunity to join one of most preferred B-School in the country suddenly?

What did you do if the person you love the most stop loving you suddenly?

What did you do if your best friend started alienates himself due to his impending marriage suddenly?

What did you do if opportunity knocks at your door while going through a crisis suddenly?

What did you do if suddenly you have to fetch out your entire savings for your dream which may not be realized?

What did you do if you found yourself wasting valuable time everyday in your cubicle?

I guess it’s the most bizarre situation anyone ever can get into but sadly for me it’s all happening in my life currently. All the sudden effect takes a toll on me and I can’t help but to withstand it. Suddenly is the most common word in every question and suddenly my life has been taken a turn of 180 degree.

Neither I can rejoice my success nor can I be remorse. I am stuck at some middle point of crisis which dumbfounded me. I can’t do anything to comfort me as well. In my whole life I have played safe so far and suddenly risks from all direction are coming like laser beam. I screwed up big time again. May be God is not at all happy about my capabilities of risk taking. May be this is my destiny or may be not but I can say that first in my life I have taken a decision to search my own destiny. I have to know where I headed for. I know God have been always there for me and perhaps it’s his wish so that I can push myself beyond the boundaries that I have created ever. I have to be out from the safe zone.

Once upon a time I have learned a word called “Oxymoron” in our school which states a particular state of human mind. It took almost 10 years to retrieve it back from my memory lane so that I can make the proper use of the word with my life. The all of a sudden change thing freaks me out totally. May be finally the God has handed over the navigation key on my hand to decide the next course of my Life.

Official Woes

What a paradox! Life seem to be well started has just changed its gear and out of the blue put the break so hard that it’s really getting difficult to absorb.As they say that happiness and sadness is, indeed, a relative process how you absorb your surrounding situation but let me tell the truth that I am upset about certain things in my office and I can’t hide it out any longer. Some people are playing dirty politics; some people back stabbing others and the most heinous one are playing conman. I am upset that I can’t change the scenario and perhaps hapless as I too come from the genre what you call middle class.

Every time a new relative, I am introduced to, ask regarding my job and after knowing that I work in Salt Lake, Sector-5 they also used to get excited like I work in Moon or so. They felt that we are like the upper crest of the society who is taking India further as far as technology is concerned. We too also used to get fat pay packet any if you are at a good book of your boss (read patronize your boss so well) then you may be get enough lucky to discover the other part of the globe. We also are among the few to flash their Blackberry’s at the age of 25 now you are surely going to envy us but the truth is that you don’t have any fucking idea what we do in the office. I feel that if given a chance to any teenager guy who just knows the basics of computer can perform better than us at any give day.

So, therefore nothing for me other than getting pissed off everyday. I am trying to get rid off the situation or rather my office at best or else I can found myself in the league of losers. I have to something more meaningful in my career, something creative and something that can be done without dirty politics. Everyday I wake up from the bed in the quest of a better life perhaps for a better job that defines me or at least soothes my creative urge which I am still searching………




P.S.-That Blog has been written straight from my computer in my office within just 20 minutes at random otherwise it usually takes 1-2 month to finish one blog.

Is Love means looking at the same direction ???

Since I have too little female admirer in my life, I could take the liberty to focus on this subject. Some says opposite attract and some says wavelength connects (although I never seen the latter and I guess  same thing is applicable for every men).Well it could so happen that due to my vertically challenged nature I have missed to see the wavelength but I never heard anyone seeing the wavelength  from the vertically  blessed group either.

The day I see the beautiful girl beside my seat I thank the God because it has been a rare incident, to my journey post adulthood. My brother (younger and only) has been into relationship with his girlfriend since 9 odd years without having a single fight so far. Ouch! Which part of mine did scream? I just can’t imagine how a guy younger than me shows up such a maturity to handle a relationship without any discord? May be they are so compatible with each other or else how do you justify continuing a relationship for nine years without any fight. May be they are perfectly in sync with each other. May be I am not compatible with any girl.

I remember once one of my female friend (although I am not gender biased as It’s a absolute necessary) have asked about my point of view on my kind of girl & I pointed out some basic issues and to my surprise she just told me that I have much more issues and It will be very tough for me to find my kind of girl. Well I just said four things that she should give me enough liberty to enjoy my beers, enough freedom to hang out with my male friends, enough independence to watch anything I like (Mostly Sports Channel and NDTV) and the last but not least that she should understand me properly. Is it too demanding & if it so then I would prefer to be single than being married.

They say Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus and certainly they do have different set of expectations from relationship and when they collide, I guess, it wouldn’t goes off  too well. So the conflict begins and Love got stuck between some crappy useless issues. Well for me loves means freedom and certainly if you don’t find your freedom and your corner in any relationship then get out of it. Trust me you will feel much better. I think Love shouldn’t compel you “Looking at the same direction” and certainly direction may be different but make sure your destiny would be the same. 

Expression Express

Sometimes, Somewhere Expression does take a major part of our lives. As they say that sometime Expression can provide more positive way out than just being vocal but sadly no matter what, we always go for the latter and from the office to home we always go ga ga over almost everything. We prefer to be vocal as we our self are not so confident enough to vouch for what we actually do & believe. Expression is an art and the more you master the art the more you become successful. The other day I was seeing a movie called “Anger Management” not just that I found that it’s suitable for me (Oh! You guessed it right as I have a serious problem controlling my anger and especially in my Office) but also to get hold on my emotion & expression. It’s a great movie about expression & behavioral aspect of a man who is so submissive in nature and when you really get sucked big time in your Office and personal front. I have tried it several times in different situation to handle the situation more diplomatically, not being judgmental about anything but all the time I failed with distinction. Why?? Let’s not get into the details. It’s just that I can’t be two faced at a time and I inherited this quality from my father.

Well it’s not that just our expression play a pivotal role in our work-life but also in our personal life as well. People fall in love and get married (they can live in also but then again it’s not so socially viable) everyday and I think that half of the people vehemently don’t say “I Love you” to each other before falling in love as opposed by the popular belief. They can sense it long before they fall in love from each others expression & behavior. Girls are too good in dropping the necessary hints and all the guys have to do is just pick them up accordingly but yes there are some guys also who are too dumb to realize the basic. You don’t have to be a Casanova to pick up any girl in any day but the thing is that you just have to do right things at right time. You know we men always want to see & women always want to hear so most of the men lie & women put their make up on.

Well It’s goes without saying that expression comes a long way with the time and the latest Technology made our life much more expression savvy as you got the power to express your view in numerous Social networking Sites from Face book to Twitter. Sometime an expressive “Smiley” on your mobile can break the ice faster than anything. Some expression over Twitter can start a National debate (We do miss Mr. Tharoor over Twitter) and some expression on Face book can lit a thousand watt on your eyes and those moments in our life goes a big way buddy.Yah ! Just go up to the unfathomable distance.

A Lifeless Life..

Since a long time I am blank. Blank about my prospect, my goal, my priority, my aspiration and my satisfaction. There is nothing in my life right now that can cheer me up. There is a job, which I am not particularly fond of but then again who is going to pay my Credit Card, Mobile and Internet Bills so make compromise with your ability with a smiling face. I am also doing the same and my boss says that I have a great future. Of course I have to have a great future because I am in a process of aping Corporate Culture far well than anybody else. Welcome to New Age Corporate India where people are more concerned about being politically correct rather than being honest. Corporate works like that and somewhere down the line I also might get used of it. There was a time when I just wanted to be like my father, an honest teacher but after spending eight odd years to Kolkata I think to survive here you have to look beyond honesty. It’s not that I am a dishonest guy or encouraging it but honest people really don't fit it here and if they exist then they have to go through a possible nightmare wherever they work. There is an unbridgeable gap between our aspiration and real world.

Of late when I open my Orkut Account I do miss my pictures. In those photos I miss my childhood (Of course there was no Orkut then which later I uploaded),I miss my School and most importantly I miss my days in JU.I seemed to be insanely in love with my life, perfectly in sync with my destiny in those photos in Orkut  but the more I am advancing in my career the more it's getting blurred. I badly need to get out of it or else I have to start a new beginning from any farthest possible corner of the world.

Choose Your Own Price

It’s intriguing that the urban battle of the sexes is being fought in the arena of the date. Surely there are more deserving battlegrounds but let start with paying the bill on your “First Date”. It’s strange that we men, no matter how educated or liberal are we, tend to do the same thing which our father of our fore father used to do. If a woman can feel to get the treat for free so are we but there lies the boundary of our chivalry, male chauvinism. The age old custom running in our blood surely not let it go soon. I Googled for some help and it also sadden me further as the most top Dating Sites, Magazines & even Newspaper now insisting men to pay on the First Date. Feminist out there do you have a take on that?



Men spend a lot to impress women. When they are spending the money, they rarely think that the women they are trying so hard to woo will end up as a fierce wife or an angry girlfriend or just a jaded live-in partner. I want to flashback to all the penultimate moments at dinners with women when the waiter would cordially ask, would you like me to bring the Bill, now, Sir?


Why not ask the lady sitting opposite me!!


No that’s not exactly I said in the restaurants. I never have the guts to say so as I am like a normal Bengali guy, without Backbone.


Well we men are too much emotional and yes much more than women and it’s just that we couldn’t vent out because from childhood we are taught to not cry, not to do stuff that is like a girl kind of or deep down the line we are so much insecure about us, insecure about our emotion, insecure about the woman we love & like so therefore we used to pay on first date to hide our insecurity. May be we pay as we too afraid of her losing again. May be we pay because that at the time of wedding we vouch to take care of her personally & economically. The root of this act goes deep into time when women were financially dependent on men, and flaunting the wallet was extremely important to win over a Fairy.


I only hope today’s working women, who flash their cards faster than lightning, don’t want to go back to the past. My findings on the net almost persuade me to thinking otherwise, though. Some of my discoveries are awfully disgracing, but don’t worry girls, I don’t expect you to accept the facts— for I know you would never. I know girls are always run short of two things, one is Money and the other is Balance of their Cell phone.

I have raised the question before and one woman I knew went saying she doesn’t mind paying for the dinner, but that would be only after the relationship has graduated to the next level. I don’t clearly understand what she meant by next level—many couples jump into bed before they develop anything between them these days. I guess she didn’t mean being physical. Ouch!


Now the question is do men & women want to change or we both are too comfortable in our old skins? I, as, a representative of male, can surely vouch that it’s the most uncomfortable question to answer that who should pay the bill on the First Date but again I think It’s bit unfair of me if I entirely pin the blame on women, when It takes two to uphold social and behavioral norms.

Love with the Dancing Rain

The slight rugged corridors may not be aware of me but this is the place which is most close to my heart, My School. I have passed the most memorable moment here. As I walked down the school corridor I smell an old charm which is so known to me. As they say People smell a fragrance with their eyes and brains first before they smell with their noses, same thing happened with me as well. It’s the place where you lived the most happening time in your entire life which is carefree, inspirational and joyous. Coming from a Co-educational Institute I had my own perception regarding it. Despite having strict norms in place, the co-ed schools see many love stories flourish on Valentine’s Day— under, perhaps, the indulging watchfulness of the teaching staff. It’s amazing to see how the adolescents are eager to explore the adventurous side of their lives. That’s why we always smell a change of mood during the Valentines Day. Well neither I have proposed someone on Valentines Day nor I had an Love affair to remember but still I think every relationship or Love affair has its own charm which sill looms large in every corridor of Co-ed Schools.



It was 28th September when we just got the enough hint for the impending Puja Vacation on Air. I was still preparing my Vow ouch!(Proposal) Lines. Love was brewing over a cup of Coffee, hot cuppa of steaming tea and the gossips (Obviously Male Gossip).I was in love with a class-mate & giving rehearsal of my Proposal Lines for couple of Days .Somehow I couldn’t accumulate enough guts to propose her. So I told one of my friends (who happened to be girl) to convey her about my feelings .As expected the result was negative & I was doomed in a sorrow but my friends somehow convinced me to go with it and tell her about my feelings .It was a regular day as usual at school, just I was restless, looking too & fro at her, somewhat clueless me trying to gauge her reply. She was looking beautiful as usual in her white & blue sari, adjusting her spectacles every now and then. I felt so much hapless every time I looked at her because it’s needs so much courage to tell someone about your special feelings first in your lifetime. My Classmates were throwing me to tell her but I somehow couldn’t manage to tell her. Every time I made up my mind & went to her things had gone messed up and only some meaningless sounds came out of it. I went close to her & looked to her eyes and like every time I just said about some nonsense issues. It was about 4 P.M. in the afternoon when finally, accumulating my last drop of courage I went to her to say something unusual for the first time of my life. She was about to leave the classroom when I called her from the back. She moved to me with her piercing glaze & I felt weakness in my knees. “Its no nonsense time buddy” I murmured to myself & said “I LOVE YOU”. Silence prevailed for next few seconds and to my surprise she said back “I LOVE YOU TOO”.I didn’t know what happened next & I didn’t want to know either. I was so content & happy that I can’t express even today after almost ten years.

It was raining hard the next day and I was touching the dancing rain from my window. I woke up to the smell of sweet & wet earth and it was simply divine.

I just love to see the garden green and happy again. Yes, Rain is here and so is my Love.

My City My Kolkata

Call me whatever you may like. My lineage is as mixed as it gets. While most of my friends have a simple answer for “Tui Ghati na Bangal”, I have to start tracing my family tree from Adam. From “Mohan Bagan to East Bengal, Hilsa to Chingri” the comparison is everywhere & everlasting. As far as Bengali culinary scenario is concerned, we are at least liberal. While such a background gives one a very broad cultural perspective, it may threaten to leave a person rootless also. Kolkata has warmth about it which a person cannot miss (and I don’t mean the soaring temperature). It accepts people for what they really are, not for what they have. . In most parts of Kolkata it’s the person that matters, not the possessions. You can strike up a conversation with a complete stranger in a bus and discuss anything from the Kolkata Knight Riders to the price of onions. Of course I had my hiccups, one of the biggest being the language as there are some provisional differences as I am not hailing from Kolkata (Again not Calcutta). You simply can’t give a miss to smell of Kumartoli’s mud during Durga Puja, the lady practicing Rabindra Sangeet in dawn, the bank of the Ganges and so many to name. These things mingle to compose a distinct flavor of the City which is so containing as it gets. A recent visit to another city made me realize even more acutely how much ‘home’ meant Kolkata. The soul of the city is its people, its heritage, its culture. These are what enable it to provide the ground for a person like me to spread his roots in. It gives an answer for “Tui Bangal na Ghoti?”…. “Ami Kolkatan”.

Indelible Imprints

• Family • Adventure • Cricket • JU-My Alma mater • Phoolbagan • City Centre • Construction Engineering • 28th September • Hills • Wildlife Photography • Coffee • A+ • CAT • ShahRukh Khan • Smile • Crazy • Purple salwar • Nandan • Inbox • Nostalgia • Forests • College Street • Orkut • Chetan Bhagat • Blood • 1st February • Walking in the Rain • KFC • Deadlines • Romantic • Roll No-10 • Destiny • Jeans • Bunking Classes • Beer • Memory • Roadies • Coffee House • Chirping of Birds • Shopping • Sinus • First Rain • Bravery • Gadgets • First Kiss • Metro Railways • Canteen • First Job • Adrenaline • Manhattan • Simplicity • 10th May • Perfume • Lenovo • Stubborn Silence • Kolkata • Blue • Rebel • Red Wine • Friendship • Kalbela • Revolution • 5th March • Casual • Screwed up • Anti terrorism • Cigarette • Equality • Café Coffee Day • Thek Culture • Love • Freedom • P.S. – The words furnished above are not in the chronological order…………………….